I need a moment to myself. Bailing out of the room I leave our friends for while taking your car out unsure of where I’m even going. Traveling down these familiar roads I sit where you would usually be. Not so long ago we would sit here blasting this car radio. As loud as we could we would sing along to it without a care in the world.

Now I wonder if blasting those same songs would help distract from this gut wrenching feeling. At the same time if I were to feel nothing for you at this moment what kind of person would I be? You were everything to me with us having been together since our youth. We could have had countless years together ahead of us but now I can’t even tell you how I feel. As a kid I was always told that when people finally end up dead they’ll be looking down on their loved ones.If I were to join you now, would you be thrilled to have me there or crush that I threw away all that is left because I’m not sure how to go on without you. If souls aren’t actually real, have you ceased to exist? In reality are you just a corpse there in the ground left to rot?

At this point, I begin to pass the lake and decide to park the car near by. I figure this place is better than any to stop. I walk across the sand of the beach trying to fight back the overwhelming emotions that are making my eyes start to tear up. We used to come out here on long summer days just to waste the day away. In those months other people would also be all over the place, but it being the end of March, it’s pretty deserted. I get to the end of the beach with the water almost reaching my shoes, and I look out at all the colors of the sunset reflecting on the water. It’s such a beautiful site to see, and I know you would have enjoyed it.

Then those feeling I’ve been fighting from you not being here hit me like bricks, and I just scream out. I scream all my feelings hoping the world knows my pain.

The floodgates open and I can’t help but to start sobbing my eyes out. From all my emotions I fall to my knees letting the cold water flow past them. Unfortunately no amount of tears will ever bring you back.