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Lakewood Times

“Tired” Deja Vu

I flop down on my huge bed. Suffocated by my pillows and blankets I lay there. This is what I get for only sleeping three hours last night and then being out until one in the morning. My eyelids are dropping so low I can feel them on the floor. What time is it now? It’s around one thirty. I close my eyes for just a second and the time switches to two o’clock. When I check the time, everything is shifted. Like I’m seeing double everything in the room. It was like one of those movie scenes where they wake up and it’s just shapes and colors. I’ve felt this feeling before. 

The bright lights shine on my face when I wake up. I can feel my gown sticking against my back. Sweat is dripping down my forehead. I’m trying to wrap my head around what happened. But, I couldn’t remember anything from just a few seconds ago. There’s a storm of nurses in the room. They’re asking me if I’m okay but I’m not quite coherent yet. I just laid there and watched everything happen around me. 

I can’t sleep tonight. I think maybe I drank too much. I close my eyes and turn on my side. My headache is just as bad on this side as the other. I can’t get the position I need to sleep. Will water help? I stand up and suddenly everything is swaying from side to side. My body has created an obstacle course to get a glass of water. I’m going to try this challenge. I start walking and I can see the wall coming toward me. I swerve out of the way and avoid it. However, the swerve causes me to slam into the other wall. Damn this hallway. When I finally get to my kitchen, I fill my glass and start to drink. 

“You have to drink something or they won’t let us leave yet. They think that you’ll fall if you don’t have something,” my mom says to me. 

The straw hits my lips and I take a sip. Apple juice. That’s their go-to in a hospital. That or a ginger ale because it’s supposed to help you hydrate. It was one of those boxes you got in your lunch in fifth grade. The kind your mom would pack you with a note in your lunchbox. I loved those juice boxes when I was little. It didn’t take much time for me to drink it. 

After my last gulp of water, it was time to make my way back through the obstacle course to bed. It was a challenge but this time I made it without any casualties. I pull back my blankets and climb in. My pillow is too flat so I fluff it up and sit up in my bed. 

I climbed on the hospital bed and they tucked me under the sheets. I had just changed into my gown in the bathroom and ran back to the room. It was warm and I honestly was excited to just lay there. I sat there and stared off at the wall while the nurse talked to my parents. I was scared of the procedure. I didn’t know what they were going to do while I was asleep. 

I sink down into my bed and decide it’s time for me to force myself asleep. I turn to my bedside table and pop a couple of melatonin gummies in my mouth. The gummies are berry flavor and they’re sort of stale. They were my last resort. After I swallow them I lay back and close my eyes. I always fell asleep faster when I took melatonin. I always had crazy dreams when I slept after taking them. But, nothing was like this dream. Or what I thought was a dream. It sent me flying into a very familiar feeling.

I woke up dazed and confused. The world looked like a kaleidoscope. I was only seeing shapes and colors. My head felt like there were a million tiny people just punching my brain. My body was weak and I could barely move my arms. Trapped, that’s how I felt. Not just trapped though. I felt fragile. Small, weak, delicate, whatever you wanted to call it. I just wished everything could be normal again. I was done with being in the hospital. Done with laying in the hospital beds and getting an IV. I was sick of the shots and waiting for my prescriptions at the pharmacy. Physically my body was over it. Mentally, I was exhausted. 

I sat up in my bed, drenched in sweat. I’d felt that before. I hated that feeling of your clothes sticking to you. I slipped out of bed and changed into a different shirt. And the second I fell back into my bed my body instantly sent me back to sleep.

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