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Lakewood Times

“Just Right” Fractured Fairy Tale


Three Little Pigs lived in houses right next to each other. Their mother had kicked them out the year prior, and they spent all summer building each of their houses. The first pig built his house out of straw, so he’d always have food in case of a famine. The second pig built her house out of sticks because it reminded her of the log cabin they lived in with their mother. The third pig built her house out of brick and mortar because she was concerned about the strong winds in the area. 

Each of the little pigs lived happily together. They had gardens, streams to drink from, and cozy little houses to sleep in. However, one day, a gargantuan grey wolf showed up and started watching the pigs. Whenever they spotted him, they’d always run home in terror. They knew the wolf had bad intentions. But one day when they went running home, the wolf followed. He approached the first pig’s straw house and said, “Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in.”

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin,” the first pig managed to stutter. 

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!” The wolf threatened. 

The first pig, however, would not relent, and so, with an unimaginably large breath of air, the wolf blew the entire house of straw away. Terrified to his core, the first pig ran to the second pig’s house, soon followed by the wolf. 

“Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in,” the wolf demanded.

“Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin,” the second pig cried.

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!” the wolf yelled. Once more, however, the pigs would not let the wolf inside. So with one large exhale, he blew the entire house of sticks away. And again, terrified for their lives, the two pigs ran to the third pig’s house. 

The wolf followed and, fed up with the pig’s persistence, screamed, “Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in!”

And the third pig calmly replied, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!” the wolf cried. 

“You can try all you want,” the third pig said with a grin.

The wolf breathed in deeply, and emitted an enormous gust of wind just as before, but the house stood strong. He tried again and again until he was out of breath and wheezing, but the house still stood. The three pigs laughed at him as they went to sit at the dinner table, but the wolf had another idea. The three pigs, distracted by their presumed victory, did not notice the big bad wolf climbing the roof. Before the pigs could even sit down, the wolf came crashing through the chimney, covering himself in soot and ash from the fireplace. In a terrified daze, the three pigs left the house and ran through the woods wildly looking for any place to hide. They ran and they ran but the wolf was always close behind them. But then, they found a little cottage hidden in the deepest recesses of the woods. They sprinted up to the door and knock franticly, praying for someone to answer, but were startled when someone did. Its a family of bears! The three pigs, greatly terrified by the predators even bigger than the wolf, froze in shock. The bears just stood their confused, but understood what was happening when they saw the wolf closely approaching. 

“Alright in you go,” Mama Bear said as she dragged the pigs inside before Papa Bear slammed the door shut. 

“Has that mean wolf been chasing you lot?” she asked, and the pigs could only respond 

with a faint nod. 

“Oh, well that won’t do, now will it Papa?” Mama Bear asked turning to her husband. 

“No, definitely not,” Papa Bear responded. 

“Alright, now you three stay in here with Baby and Goldi and we’ll go outside and have a nice chat with Mr. Wolf, how bout’ it?” Mama bear ordered. 

And so Mama Bear and Papa Bear lumbered outside, while Baby put the kettle on, and Goldi started some porridge. The wolf, who was peering through the windows, realizing his new company stood up and acted innocent. 

“And what are you doing following those little buggers then?” Mama bear questioned.

“Oh, you seem to misunderstand. Their mother has gone off for work and I was merely meant to watch them, but they ran off. And the forest is a dangerous place and I wouldn’t want them to get hurt by anything,” The wolf answered with a conniving smile. 

“Well there’s no danger here. And we don’t take kindly to wolves that chase little guys like that,” Papa said, “So why don’t you get on, and tell the pig’s mother where they are when she gets back then,” Papa suggested with a growl.

The wolf, sensing the growing danger, scampered off into the woods before disappearing. Once everyone was back inside, they all sat down with tea and porridge. 

After their meal, Mama Bear said, “Well you three can’t go back to your homes, the wolf will just be waiting there for you. Hmmmm, hows’ about you stay with us then?” Mama pondered. 

“Oh yeah, yeah can we keep them!” Baby and Goldi asked in unison.

“Well I don’t see an issue,” Papa Bear answered. 

And so The Three Little Pigs and Goldilocks and The Three Bears each lived together in the cottage. The pigs got thier own porridge, their own chairs, and their own beds. The Bears didn’t mind the company, and the Pigs were happy to be safe. Everything was just right.     

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