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Lakewood Times

“It’s Rude To Talk About People Who Are Listening” Phone Tag

I covered my mouth and let out a yawn.  It was 1 AM already, but that wasn’t abnormal for a ‘sleepover’.  Heh, I haven’t had one of these since I was a kid.  Time flies when you’re having fun, so might as well stay up and enjoy as much time as possible, right?  I was so excited when my darling Sel agreed to sleepover, our dates always seem to end too early.  Maybe because he didn’t know they were dates, but not this time!  This time he’s here allllll night long.  And I finally got to admit my feelings to him!  

God, I’ve been crushing on this boy for waaay too long.  It felt so good to finally tell him how much I love him.  And I mean love.  I love him more than anything, more than life itself.  I’d die for him, I’d kill for him in a heartbeat.  Anything for my beloved.  He’s so cute, he’s been sitting there in silence ever since I told him.  He must be trying to formulate a way to say he loves me back!  That he’s gonna dump that trashy girlfriend of his and give ME his love instead!  Oh, I can see it now!  All his love, his affection, his attention, all of it for me and me alone!

Hehe, I like that, actually.  All of him, all mine.  That sounds so wonderful.  So wonderful, in fact, that it gives me an idea.

“Oh! Sel!  I just had the most wonderful idea!  Since you love me back, you don’t have to say it, I know you do, how about you stay more than just the night, hm?  You can call your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend and break up now, then call your family to tell them goodbye-”  That got his attention.  Aw, look at the way his ears perk up, his eyes are so wide!  God he’s soooo cute!  “Tell them goodbye, because you’ll be staying with me now!  You can live at my home, OUR home now, and I can feed you and cloth you and do everything for you!  You’ll never have to leave, never have to worry about anyone but your girlfriend!  Me, I mean, because obviously we’re dating now.” 

Cutie’s still stuck in stunned silence.  I love him, he’s so cute like this, I just can’t take it!  “You’ll be with me forever and ever and ever, and no one else will ever get between us, I won’t let them!  I won’t let them take you from me, I promise baby, I’ll kill them if I have to!”  Maybe I sounded a little too excited with that last bit, but who cares!  Of course I’m excited!  The love of my life is going to stay here with me, forever!  

“I-”  Oh, oh, oh, he’s talking!  Finally, the confession I’ve waited so long for!  “I think I-I need to use the, the restroom.”  He stood up, and rushed away to the bathroom.  I couldn’t help but frown.  I thought he was going to tell me he loved me!  Maybe he just needs to steady his nerves, gather some courage before he confesses.  I know I needed to take some time beforehand.  Yeah, yeah, that must be it!

“C-C’mon, c’mon, answer the phone!”  Oh?  What’s this?  Is my love making a call behind my back?  Standing up quickly, I put my journal underneath my arm, (I had read him a few entries from it when I confessed), and walked over to the bathroom door on my tip toes so that the floorboards wouldn’t creak.  I pressed my ear to the door, and tried to listen as whoever he was calling picked up.

“Hello?  Hello?  Oh thank god, you picked up”  A brief moment of a garbled voice coming through the phone passed, although I couldn’t tell what they were saying.  

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.  No, wait, no I’m not, not fine, I’m scared, I’m in danger, I need help.”  Oh, no!  My darling, upset?  Poor baby, I wonder why he didn’t ask me to help?  

“Calm down?  Calm Down?  No, no, I’m not overreacting, I swear.  Listen, baby, just listen, ok?”  Oooooh.  Now it all makes sense!  He’s calling his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend to break up with her!  He sounds so panicked because he’s worried she’ll get upset.  I can understand that.  I press my ear a little closer so I can hear when he drops the bomb.  

“Listen, you know my friend, Meliy?  Yeah, yeah, the one I’m sleeping over with.  Well, you were right, she does like me, and-”  And eruption of noise from the phone.  Haha, it begins!  She must be sooooo angry knowing that I’m about to steal her man!!

“I know, I know, I’m sorry babe, I shouldn’t have doubted you, I’m sorry, but look, look, alright, it’s worse than that.  She’s crazy.”  Uh, yeah, crazy in love with you!

“No, I mean it, seriously, she’s talking about like, killing people, and keeping me here in her house, she’s insane.”  I felt the corners of my lips turn down.  You can’t just take all that stuff out of context!  I’m not insane, just in love!  Oh no, I must have come off too strong and scared him.  What an embarrassing misunderstanding.

“No, I’m not joking, this isn’t a prank, I need you to come pick me up, now.  Yes, now!  I need to get out of hear, I need-”  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let my love leave me, not when he was so close!!  I flung the door open, and he stopped talking to me.  His eyes were full of tears, and he looked scared out of his mind.  Poor baby.

“I’m so sorry I scared you darling, but I can’t let you leave.  You’ll understand one day, I’m sure!”  He opened his mouth to say something, but before any words could leave his sweet lips, I hefted my journal into the air and smacked him in the side of the head with it.  He crumpled to the ground, unconscious. 

I got down on my knees, and put a hand on his forehead, moving the hair out of his face.  He looked so peaceful all asleep like this.  I leaned down, and give him a gentle kiss on the lips.  

God, it was exhilarating!  Like a bolt of lightning traveling from my lips throughout my whole body.  I had never imagined it would be like this, with him unconscious and panicked phone noises  in the background, but it was a first kiss nonetheless!  Standing back up, I looked down at the vibrating phone, the terrified voice of Sel’s now-ex screaming through it.  I raised up my foot, and stomped down on the phone, the splintered glass cutting into my foot.

“Stay here, my darling, alright?  I need to go deal with that ex of yours.  I’ll be back soon, alright?  I’m afraid I might have to tie you up until you learn to be happy here, but I’m sure you’ll learn to love it here.  To love me!”  I let out a little giggle, and then headed to the kitchen to grab my steak knife.

I had a crazy ex-girlfriend to deal with.

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