My days have felt cold, sadness consumes the air. How could it be that two people who loved each other so much suddenly break. Thinking about that hurts, thinking about how the boy who made you laugh when you cried, who made you jealous when with other girls, who made you feel like the only girl in the world, is no longer there. No longer wants anything to do with the hugs, laughs, the kisses. 

The internal pain received from the heartbreak is unexplainable. The pain feels as if a chest was ripped out piece by piece and it will never be whole again. Like there is an endless void of numbness lying in the soul. Who knew that such a compelling connection between two people could just stop so easily. 

I miss him.

 Everything about this boy was special. Maybe it was his kindness. Everytime he held the door open, grabbed my hand when it was cold, he was always there. His body was quiet but his soul so loving and sweet. He had fluffy, curly blonde hair that matched his bright blue eyes so well. His eyes were something that could be stared into for hours. They felt like a safe spot full of protection and conquest. 

His hugs were so warm, they could make any individual feel so loved within seconds. His voice was not too deep, but not super high, a little raspy; it was soothing and calming. You could tell his headspace was full of thoughts, but he barely said a word. His lips were small, small and slightly plumped. He himself was thin, but that did not stop him. He was so funny and could crack so many jokes no matter the time of day. 

He was special, so special. But others would not know that, the others did not date him. They did not understand him as well, or understand what was so great about him. Everything, he was so amazing in so many different ways, but now he is off on his own adventures. 

It is so strange, starting off as strangers, meaning nothing to each other. Days went on and on. The summer was the best, before anything was official. The adventures of going down the creek, or a trip into the woods to explore the world around us. All of the late nights sitting on the trampoline just talking to one another about our feelings, or what happened that week, or a childhood story. Many walks, many rides, and so many conversations. Now that all means nothing, it is all just memories that will slowly start fading away. Now we are just strangers again.

What hurts is knowing he meant no harm, but caused so much of it. Missing him is painful, it’s the thought of never being able to kiss him on a walk, or skip down the sidewalk holding hands, or give him a hug goodbye when leaving. That is what hurts, but now there is nothing that can be changed. 

Growing apart is hard, it is challenging to even think about. Maybe it was just a little opportunity that was meant to end. Maybe we will meet again in the future, but until then we stay strangers, with some pretty amazing memories.