It was midnight and I couldn’t sleep, the sound of the waves crashing violently on the shore keeping me company. I sat in the kitchen cutting up a few fruits to make a snack. As I was cutting into the mango my hand slipped, the knife slashed my finger causing me to curse out. I rushed to the bathroom to wash my newfound wound. I didn’t want to wake my boyfriend, Trevor and I would often sit out on our dock at night. I was an insomniac. I slept mostly during the day. Once I was done washing my wound I made my way back to the kitchen. I cleaned up the mess I made and decided to just settle for an apple.
As I made my way out to our dock I noticed that the water had calmed down. I bit into my apple, as I did my rose gold hair got in the way. It was strange to me how long my hair had gotten. I was known for my short curly hair. Whenever people would come to the bay they would call it Rosebay. My hair was a constant reminder of my daughter. Trevor and I lost her a few years ago, she had run out into the water. I was asleep, and Trevor was at work. It drove me mad. I angrily bit into the pink apple, I noticed a familiar presence behind me before two strong arms wrapped around my waist.
“Bay honest to god you scared me,” he mumbled into my neck, his curly hair tickling my chin.
“I’m sorry I just couldn’t sleep. I had a nightmare last night…” My voice became weak as I trailed off.
He turned me around and gazed into my hazel eyes. His face solemnly tracing all of my features, when Rose was born he constantly told her how she looked just like her mother. He put a hand up to my cheek before rubbing it softly in attempt to comfort us both. It didn’t work. It seemed as if the hole in our hearts would never be fixed. He kissed my forehead gingerly and started to hum my favorite song. Before I could react he swooped me into his arms. I started laughing as he danced with me on his shoes.
“Do you remember when we used to do this as kids?” Trev’s voice cracked slightly.
I nodded quickly. My shaking started to get worse if that’s possible. Trevor and I didn’t have good childhoods. Hence why we spent so much time with Rose. We wanted her to have what we didn’t. She deserved the world. She was our world. I felt as though my life had come to a stop as soon as I lost her.
“You’re thinking about her again.” He shook his head at me.
“How could I not, she is my only daughter Trevor!” I yelled out, tears starting to well up in my eyes.
“Bay, we need to move on.” He attempted to stroke my cheek but before he could I ran into the house.
I rushed to the bathroom. I locked the door, as I looked into the mirror I noticed the waterfalls falling down my face. I grabbed at my hair and pulled as I let out a sob. My daughter was dead, and she was never coming back. She didn’t deserve what happened. The woman who raised me insisted that there was a reason for everything. Anymore I couldn’t believe that. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. So I did something I haven’t done since I was a child.
I pulled the scissors out of the top drawer. My shaky hand raised them up to my hair. I heard banging on the bathroom door, my sobs racking my body as I slowly cut chunks or pink hair off of my head. The floor was soon covered in the long strands of hair. Slowly the waterworks in my eyes stopped working. The banging on the bathroom door stopped as well.
I opened the door to find Trevor leaning against Rose’s door. He quickly rushed to me, his hands running through my short choppy hair. His smile didn’t meet his eyes, but I knew he understood. For once I didn’t feel alone. I felt as if everything would be okay eventually. Even if I had constant reminders of her that didn’t mean it had to make me lose my own life over it.
“Want a haircut?” I questioned quirking an eyebrow.
He chuckled and dragged me into the room, ignoring the rose colored hair on the floor. I grabbed the electric clipper from the medicine cabinet. I plugged it in before turning it on. I looked at Trev in the mirror. He long hair tied up in a ponytail. I cut it off swiftly before shaking the rest of his hair to a shorter length. The curls in his hair disappearing for the night. After I finished we both cleaned up the hair on the floor.
“Let’s go lay down,yeah?” Trevor’s voice sounded scared almost.
I nodded and soon found myself walking into Rose’s empty room. I sat on her bed, The queen sized bed covered in a princes themed comforter. The many stuffed animals all laying around the room. Except for her favorite. The one her uncle Andrew had given her. A build-a-bear with the phrase “I love you to the moon and back” in Andrew’s voice. I held tightly to the stuffed bunny named Cherry.
Trevor walked to me and picked me up before laying down onto the bed. He grip on me tight, but not to tight. I found myself drifting to and from consciousness. The last thing I remember is him kissing my forehead. The next morning when I wake up he is holding a box packed with old clothes of Rose’s. I sat up. Holding tightly onto Cherry I made my way to the doorway. I sat the bunny outside before walking back into the room. Trevor and I started humming as we cleaned the room. From now on I’ll remember her in the good light, not the bad.